Once again there is a big gap between blog posts. This time the reason is physical rather than mental or emotional. The threatened home improvements have all been happening over the last three months and my computer was in limbo.
The last three months haven’t been easy. Anything less Alzheimer’s friendly than workmen all over the place, completely changing the furniture downstairs, rearranging the rooms upstairs and having to find new places for ‘stuff’, I cannot imagine. My husband coped amazingly well up to the two weeks before Christmas when the constant change just wore him down. He sunk to new levels of confusion that we feared might be permanent.
But with Christmas out of the way and the final few bits completed he is improving daily. We have a new routine which he likes. The extra lighting downstairs helps his vision problems and the hard floor has removed all trip hazards. The new banisters provide the guidance he lacked to cope with the stairs and the new cupboards are no more a mystery than the old ones had become. It was worth the upset but I did have doubts in the middle.
Another positive to come out of the activity is that he accepts he cannot do DIY. He is happy to have local trades people in to do the tasks. We agree that they don’t always do it the way we would have done but he shrugs, makes them tea and enjoys the task being done. He sometimes makes them lots of tea because he forgets he has done it but they don’t argue and the only cost is a few tea bags and sugar. One thing that has been very good for him is when they have had to remove something he had done earlier in life they recognised the good job he had done.
The one thing that cropped up during the work that I suspect is a feature we will have to learn to live with is occasional changes in personality. I thought at first they were stress related but they have continued even though the stress is much less. He is different in demeanour: cross, bullish, arrogant and rude. Not at all the man I married or live with most of the time. Unfortunately he is also inclined to take on tasks he cannot complete and it is a struggle to stop him. I do not yet cope with this change as well as I need to. I am still hurt by the things he says and want this strange man to give me back my husband. I have found accepting that at that point I am a carer not a wife a good strategy. I just need to be successful at that more often.